I’m Not Here To Impress

May 18, 2012 in Dig Deeper, Dreams, Life with 38 Comments

Photo by Darin Marshall (Creative Commons)

I find it really easy to compartmentalize my life.

I find it easy to have a “church life” and I only act certain ways there.

I have a “home life” and I am totally myself there.

In my “online life” how I act might depend on how well I know you.

In my “work life” and I am anywhere from 0-100% myself depending on the work I’m doing and how other coworkers are treating me.

What if my life was the SAME everywhere?

What if I was only my authentic self all the time?

Sure some might be offended.

But when isn’t that the case?

I’m not here to impress everyone.

I wonder what does God want for my life?

I’m not planning on offending others just for sport, but would I rather have a surface-level conversation about safe topics, or a heart-to-heart talks with TRUE friends?

I believe I am called to have REAL relationships, not surface-level friendships.

 

What would some be some of the benefits if you quit compartmentalizing your life?

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  • http://twitter.com/meltitus Melissa Titus

    Good questions. I’ve been trying to do that, but it seems like for me as a female it is so difficult. My husband said it’s easier for men to do this, but with women we see everything as connected. I have tried to be authentic and share what I really think, but I’ve found very, very few other women are of the same mindset. I don’t know what it is but I guess most women see it as taboo to be real. We can discuss embarrassing cosmetic issues or surface things, but if you want to talk about something deep or to really say how you feel, you get shut out, at least in my experience. I feel like I have to be fake in order to form friendships with other women, so I’ve noticed that I have become very guarded and it has become increasingly difficult for me to reach out to form new friendships. 

  • TheyCallMeKeeks

    Oh man! This post is all over me!  I am really going to have to reflect on this – I feel like I may need to “come clean” on my own blog in response to this. Thank you for being so authentic and willing to ask the hard questions.

  • Yvette Carol

    Dr. Seuss said it best. “Be who you are and say how you feel, because those who matter won’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.”
    I made this my motto at the beginning of this year and I’m doing my best to live by it. Yes, it’s terrifying at times. Yes it’s rewarding, to the tenth power.
    Keep on trying Jim. I applaud anyone who has intention to be more authentic. :-)

  • Tammyhelfrich

    Great post. I used to do this. It’s very freeing when you finally realize that the only person who defines you is God. It makes it so much easier. You quit apologizing or even caring if someone doesn’t agree with you. When you have that confidence that you are walking with God and allowing Him to direct your paths, there is no mire room for compartmentalization.

    • http://unknownjim.com/ Jim Woods

      Thanks Tammy, I appreciate it!!!!!! This part is especially AWESOME.  ”You finally realize that the only person who defines you is God.” That is sooooo good!!

  • FreddieTeague

    I am there with you, Jim. Thank you for sharing!

    • unknownjim

      Thanks Freddie, I appreciate it. Hope you are doing well!!

  • Whit Stiles

    Great post, Jim. Being real is freedom, and living in freedom takes the bite away from anyone who might have an opinion about the way you live. As Cole says below, it’s hard to work as it takes time and a lot of soul searching to find all the little ways that steal your freedom.

    • http://unknownjim.com/ Jim Woods

      Thanks Whit, I really appreciate that. I couldn’t agree more- being real and freedom go hand in hand. 

  • http://KatieAxelson.com/ Katie Axelson

    I think we need to compartimentalize to an extent. For example, I can’t behave around my father the same way I do around the president of the company. Yet there needs to be a level of authenticity no matter who you’re interacting with. (Gergen wrote on this idea except he called it a butterfly).

    Katie

    • http://unknownjim.com/ Jim Woods

      Katie, that’s a good example, but the relationships are completely different. And that’s fine and normal.

      I think what you are saying is you still need to be as authentic as possible with the president of the company right?

  • http://bestoked.blogspot.com Luke Stokes

    True authenticity can only happen when we choose on a moment by moment basis not to filter everything by what we think the other person wants to hear. Trust only exists alongside authenticity.

    I struggled with this for a while on the opposite side of the fence. I was too open about every single thought that popped into my head, regardless of who I was talking to. I’ve since come to realize that speaking to people the way they want to be spoken to isn’t manipulation or somehow lacking in authenticity, it’s simply treating others with enough respect to understand them well enough to truly communicate. Communication happens when other people hear the meaning behind what we’re trying to say.

    I strive to be authentic all the time. I’m also learning how to speak to people the way they want to be spoken to so they can hear my heart and not just my words.

    • http://unknownjim.com/ Jim Woods

      Great advice Luke. I’m not saying to be 100% raw and unfiltered. I’m saying to be AUTHENTIC. I think there is definitely a big difference. Putting on an “act” for each life is more of what I am getting at.

      • http://bestoked.blogspot.com Luke Stokes

        Well said. We’ll leave the “act” for the actors. True relationships are too valuable to do it any other way.

    • Ella Venezia

      I agree with you Luke. One can be authentic yet one must communicate a little different with each person. Not every relationship or person within the relationship is the same (What a simplistic and boring world this would be if we were). For instance, some people tune you out if you approach them too forwardly/boldly. If you are trying to reach them, then you must learn their language and approach them that way. It’s as if the method/approach is your tool (communication tol) …however,  your message and who you are is still authentically real. Only delivered in a language they understand. Great responses and great Post Jim!

      • http://bestoked.blogspot.com Luke Stokes

        Yeah, I struggled with this one for a while. I would put everything out there and treat people the way “I wanted to be treated” but really, I was treating people the way my personality wanted to be treated (which was putting a lot of people off). In reality, I wanted people to treat me according to my personality. That was key for me because then I realized how others really want to be treated (and communicated with) based on their personality. The message can only be authentic if the person hearing it actually received what you intended to deliver.

        One tool that is really helpful is the DISC profile model. I used to work at Dave Ramsey and they use it extensively. Knowing I’m a high D and a high I has helped me better understand why I am the way I am and how others are often very, very different.

        Jim: I never got to ask you the other day what your personality type is. Maybe that would be an interesting post. :) I need to read through your archives and catch up.

  • http://colebradburn.com/ Cole Bradburn

    It’s much less work!  If you know who you are, and are simply just that person, there are no pretenses to keep up or things to remember about how to act/be in different scenarios.  It frees you up to be so much more, and to grow.  

    Remember, if you are going to do anything worthwhile, you will cause a reaction.  Some of it will be positive, some will be negative.  If someone out in the vastness of the internet isn’t offended, I would say your art isn’t courageous enough.  

    Keep it up Jim

    • http://unknownjim.com/ Jim Woods

      Right on Cole! Thanks so much for sharing. I think the assumption is that we know who we are. That’s quite a challenge there as well isn’t it!!!!!

      • http://colebradburn.com/ Cole Bradburn

        Huge challenge.  It took me awhile to discover who I was.  We really think we know, but I think as we are coming of age we just play roles, and keep the best fitting costumes on.  

        Discovering oneself takes some intentional searching (and God revealing)

  • http://www.eileenknowles.com Eileen

    I used to compartmentalize my life. It was a very confining way to live.  Exhausting too.  Never want to go back to that.  

    • http://unknownjim.com/ Jim Woods

      Awesome Eileen! How did you make the transition? Please tell us more!! Did you offend others? Did you get tomatoes thrown at your head? (I picture that in my mind if I’m 100% honest all the time for some reason.) What happened? Thanks!

      • http://www.eileenknowles.com Eileen

         For me, the change first happened with becoming completely honest with
        God.  We try to hide things from Him (as if we really can).  Once I
        accepted the fact that God is okay with me (the good, the bad the ugly)
        and who I am,  it freed me up to be that person with others.  I don’t
        need to hide anymore.  In fact, I might be guilty of being too open
        sometimes.   This isn’t to say that I never struggle with insecurity…I
        still do.  BUT I know who I am and WHOSE I am.  And, I don’t try to
        change anymore to fit someone’s mold. 

        • http://unknownjim.com/ Jim Woods

          Eileen, that makes sense how you started with God and it basically just went from there. Did others say anything to you? And most importantly are my visions of tomatoes being thrown true or false? Maybe I’ve watched too many cartoons :)

          • http://www.eileenknowles.com Eileen

             Haha !  I am happy to inform you that no tomatoes were harmed in the process.  The only adjustment for me was discovering who my “true” friends were.  When you take the mask off and stop pretending to be ALL to ALL  then certain people will drift out of your life.   But, you can’t please everyone. And, that’s okay.  

            • http://www.wordgirltalks.com/ Krista

              I agree with Eileen that you discover who your “true” friends are.  While I have never compartmentalized my life, I have also found its a hard life to live sometimes.  While no tomatoes have been thrown, many words have been.  But I try to remember no matter what people think of me (as me, saying the things i believe) and who I unfortunately lose along the way, I always, always want to be true to myself and who I am.  My husband tells me I always pick the harder path to follow…and I certainly do by not compartmentalizing myself.  But I never regret being the person I am…the SAME person…in all avenues of my life.   

              • http://unknownjim.com/ Jim Woods

                Wow, thanks for sharing Krista. What caused you to be the same person throughout? It sounds like your lack of filter makes things difficult at times. Can you give an example? Thanks so much for sharing!

              • http://www.eileenknowles.com Eileen

                 Well said, Krista.  I think standing true to who you are can definitely be the more challenging option. 

  • http://rebootingworship.com/ Jamie Kocur

    It wouldn’t be so tiring. 

    I’ve found that I don’t necessarily compartmentalize, but I have to bring out certain parts of my personality depending on where I’m at. Like, at my job, I do need to be more professional, and more energetic (I work in the activities department of a senior living community: I have to be upbeat and encouraging all day), than I might tend to be at home. I don’t think it’s compartmentalizing, it’s just pulling out the part of me that I need in that moment. 

    • http://unknownjim.com/ Jim Woods

      I can see that Jamie, but dream with me if you could act the same everywhere and not have to stretch yourself as much. I totally get what you are saying with your job, but what if you aren’t wired to be really upbeat and uber-encouraging all day long? What if you are more wired to do it in spurts versus all the time? You’ve told me you are an introvert. Maybe you are a better fit to be a writer that makes devotionals and study materials for worship leaders and other women?

      • http://rebootingworship.com/ Jamie Kocur

        Oh, I TOTALLY agree. I’ve already figured out that my current job is not a good fit for me and I’m working on fixing that. I can be upbeat and encouraging (it IS part of my personality) but you’re right. Doing it ALL the time is totally draining. In the meantime, until I find another job, pulling that professional, energetic me out is just something I have to do. 

        I really like your point, and your idea. :) Gives me something to think about. Thanks.

  • http://warrencbennett.wordpress.com/ Warren C. Bennett

    I find it hard to do that with my own life.  I’ve tried, for various jobs etc, but I never quite got the hang of it.  Maybe that is one reason I prefer to not work in offices. I tend to be me wherever I go – I can’t be one part of me in one place and another part in the other.  I’ve always had a tendency to treat the people that are over me as equals as well… Which has cause no end of irritation to a series of bosses and teachers in my life, heh.  

    • http://unknownjim.com/ Jim Woods

      Warren, I’m jealous. I’ve been taught all my life to fit in, so that’s what I’m pretty good at doing, on the surface. Inside, I’m the most miserable dude on the planet if I’m just putting on an act. Truth is, we are all equals with different roles to perform.

      • http://warrencbennett.wordpress.com/ Warren C. Bennett

        Well you might be jealous, but you also probably have avoided many of the issues I’ve gone through in life, heh.  I dunno. We all live life differently – that is what makes us unique as writers and individuals.  

  • http://twitter.com/joellawler Joel Lawler

    Great thoughts.  Thanks for posting this.

    Authenticity is in short supply and in high demand.

    I catch myself “performing” far too much.  

    It benefits no one.  

    The tern sin is from archery.  It is the distance an arrow misses the bulls eye.

    What if sin is the distance between how we act and us living out who God created us to be? It is defiance against our creator to discard what he created us to be and put on a false self.  We are becoming our own God and recreating ourselves in our own desired image.  We are telling God we know better.

    Your post has got me thinking more about this.  Thanks for putting this out there.

    • http://unknownjim.com/ Jim Woods

      So glad this resonated with you Joel. If we don’t follow what God wants us to do, isn’t that sinning? At the very least it is us “playing god” which is a sin in my mind. I challenge you to continue to think about this and just be YOU not several versions of “you”.

  • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

    You wouldn’t have to remember who you are around certain people. You just are who you are… 

    • http://unknownjim.com/ Jim Woods

      Kind of an amazing thought isn’t it!! What if EVERYONE did this? Man, what a different world this would be!